Flashbacks

Driving home from your place
Radio softly playing
Windshield wipers moving rhythmically
As a light rain falls
Tail lights in the distance
I am thinking of earlier this morning
When you were deep inside me
Ledisi moans from my speakers:
"Ohhh, yeah, yeah
Ohh yeah, OH , yeah, yeah, ye-ahhh!"
I feel you, girl.
Early afternoon
I am with family.
Talking, laughing, and having fun.
But sometimes my mind can't help but wander.
I smile at the memory
Of your lips sucking on mine.
Your tongue in my mouth
My hands roaming up and down your body
Settling on your ass
Pulling you into me.
Seven pm.
Dining on sushi
And trying to follow the conversation
As I picture your fingers pulling my hair back from my face
Last night as I sucked your cock.
Your moans as you watched me devour you.
The way you tasted.
Late at night
Sitting on the couch flipping through channels on the tv.
Still thinking of you deep in me
And me
Deeply into you

My Rock

I'm feeling a little down today
Edgy
Emotionally-out-of-sorts
I crave your company
Your soothing voice
Your broad chest
For me to lay my head on
Your fingers running through my hair
And I wonder
Can you be my rock?

I'm a strong woman
Most of the time
Just not today
Today I feel fragile and insecure
Would it turn you off if I admitted it?
Would you see it
As a temporary predicament
Or would you think I was crazy
Annoying
Too emotional?
If I said I needed you to hold me
While I cried out my frustration
Would that totally freak you out?
Tell me, baby.....
Will you be my rock?

Thoughts

Oh naughty, wicked thoughts
Hang up your dancing shoes
And take your rest til the morrow
You will certainly need your strength then....

Creativity Haiku

Black pen tip poises
Inches over blank whiteness
Anticipating

Creativity
Travels from brain to fingers
I write to survive

To the Man Who Read My Poetry....

I am flattered
That you wanted to know more about me
Though you need not rely solely on my written emotion
In your quest for information
Just ask
I want you to know me
And what little info I may not yet be comfortable to share
Will be revealed in time if you so desire

Though we have only known each other for less than a month
Perhaps you wonder how I feel about you thus far
So I will tell you
I really like what I see
A laid back, easy going
Liberal, family-oriented man
Who is ambitious but not money-obssessed
Who is both highly intelligent and creative
And respectful of women and their boundaries
A true gentleman outside of the bedroom
Yet quite the sensual lover
You almost seem too good to be true
How can you have all that going for you
And still be single?

Lately you have been popping into my head alot
And I find myself smiling
As I picture your voice
The way you pronounce certain words
Or something you said or did
Sometimes I fantasize about you
Late at night while lying in my bed
And become ridiculously aroused

I notice little things about you
Like your hands which are smooth and well-shaped
With longish fingers
Just the way I like them
And your kind, soulful eyes
Which look a bit melancholy to me
The sensuous curve of your lips
The way your smile lights up your face

I want to trust you
But I have been lied to so much in the past
I hope you can bear with my having doubts
Here in the very beginnig

I hope you are not a player
I hope you are truly the person I see
I hope you don't possess any major personality disorders
That are waiting to rear their ugly heads
And, since I apparently have a giant crush on you
I hope that we are both on the same page....
Time will tell

Why I Love You

2005

This just goes to show how difficult you can be

That you would even ask me

Why I love you

How does one explain the how or why of love?

It just is

Like the sun in the sky

It simply is

Except that the sun’s existence never changes

And love…well..what can I say?

Love is a miracle…a mystery

People do crazy things for love

But back to why I love you..

Assuming that the things I love about you

Tie into why I love you as a whole person..

Do you see where I’m having trouble with this?

Okay here goes..

I’ll start with the exterior

(Shallow, I know)

And work my way in

Your smile

Your gentle, expressive eyes

Your strong, well-muscled arms

That make you look like you work out

Or do manual labor

Even though you don’t

Your beautiful hands

The skin on them thick on the palms

And butter-soft on the back

I like how the trails of veins show faintly through the skin

I love how you touch me with those hands!

Your long legs

Your “tall dark and handsome”-ness

Your boody

(hee hee)

The way you cuddle me so good like no one ever has

Wrapping your big, fine self all around me

Till I’m hot in more ways than one.

The androgyny of your “feminine” side

(The way you feel things)

Coupled with your masculine body

Your creativity as a lover

If I had to sum up sex with you in one sentence, it would be

Roll up your sleeves cuz we’re about to get dirty!

Your voice

So versatile

Alternately sexy, friendly, pensive, teasing, and fatherly

But always pleasantly, soothingly masculine

I love the way you talk to me in bed

You can be such a gentleman

It turns me on to think of you on the phone at work

Talking in a polite, business-like tone

Then turning around and talkin’ that shit to me in the bedroom

If people only knew!

The way you kiss me hungrily

Voraciously

The way you lay me down….

Whew!

The way you sigh contentedly in your sleep

When I cuddle up to you or rub your back

How you look when you’re deep in slumber

Peaceful, not a care in the world

Wish I could sleep like that

In a world of “macho” men

I love your sensitive heart

Which you sometimes try to hide

The way you cry just like I do when you are sad

Your boyish nature

How you display childish delight in simple things

That trick you do Where you kick your gum with the tip of your shoe

After you spit it from your mouth

Even though once I saw you miss…

How affectionate you are

The way you play with my hair

The fact that you love your mother And you are a good father to your little girl

Your old school gentlemanly ways

Your sarcastic humor

Your perpetual calmness

Yes, I admit that even your conservatism and opinionated-ness

Amuse me because they are so reliable

Your odd distaste for certain things

Like black nylons on women

Or that red shirt of mine that everyone else likes

Which you can’t stand

The way you get on your soapbox about things and then finish with,

“But that’s just my opinion. Who am I?”

The fact that you seem to consider yourself to be the ultimate fashion police.

“Gawd, why is she wearing that?! I mean, what’s wrong with people?!”

Your playfulness

Your ability to charm people

As well as be fascinated by watching them

The way I feel secure (and a little shy)

When we are out somewhere and you hold my hand

Just…you

There, I told you

You happy now?

Waiting For You

2005

Saturday afternoon

I'm lying on my bed

Staring at the ceiling

Nothing left to do.

I've cleaned my apartment

Showered

Done my face

Gone grocery shopping

Done laundry

Wanting everything to be perfect

In case you come over.

Outside, it is a beautiful, sunny day

And I am waiting for your call.

I seem to be doing that alot these days.

Can't complain to my friends

Cuz they'll say I told you so.

Don't wanna go out with anybody

Cuz you might call.

Don't wanna call you

Cuz you might think I'm bugging you.

So I wait

And wait

And wait.

When and if you DO call,

You will probably just say hello

Ask me how my day was

Make small talk

And say you'll call me later

(Which you may or may not do)

Or you may ask me what I'm doing later

Give me enough of a hint you want to see me

That I'll not make any plans

But not enough of a commitment

That I'll have an excuse to be mad

If you ignore my calls for the rest of the day.

My friends tell me to wake up and smell the coffee.

They say you're not feeling me like I'm feeling you

That you're leading me on.

They've already seen me through one fucked up relationship.

They don't wanna see me hurt again.

(I think it's too late)

My mind is in constant turmoil.

I know my friends care about me.

Should I listen to them?

I want to believe you

When you say that you miss me and care about me.

Yet I can't deny that actions speak louder than words.

I know you know that I love you

Even though I can't say it.

I won't.

I really don't think you love me.

We talked about it once.

You chose your words carefully, saying,

"Sometimes in the beginning of a relationship.

One person feels more than the other."

So ever the optimist, I hang onto my kernel of hope

Waiting for you to love me

Waiting for some sign that you think of me as often as I think of you.

Meanwhile, I hear the voices of others in my head.

"He's just using you for sex."

"What makes you think you're the only one?"

"Don't you know Black men use women?

Especially White women!"

I don't want to believe them

But I don't want to be played either.

I try to give you the benefit of the doubt

By asking you if you're seeing other women.

You say no.

You tell me that if you decide to see someone else

You'll let me know.

And all I want is for you to accept my love

And love me back

Or if not, to let me go.

But you do none of these things

Instead choosing to leave me in limbo

Why, I don't know

It hurts me

The thought of you knowingly playing with me like this

As if I've ever done anything to hurt you.

Do you not care that this is breaking my heart?

Or are you merely selfishly unaware?

Am I like an instant girlfriend in a can

That you keep high on a shelf somewhere?

To be taken down, dusted off and used when needed?

And just what is wrong with me

That you don't love me anyway?

Am I not attractive enough?

Not devoted enough?

Now hot tears run down my face.

Still, I wait for your call.